ALICE - Interview with an A.I.

Introducing a new character, "ALICE the A.I.", or "ALICE the HedgeBot" or something.

She's never really aware of what's going on, constantly forgets everything, and is a liiiiiittle bit insane, but she has great ambitions.

And she can be very very VERY scarry at times...
she... she doesn't know what ... what ICECREAM IS!!


Okay. "ALICE the A.I." is based on someone.

And making fun of someone without permission except if you really hate the person isn't really so nice.

Of course I asked her for permission:


Ultra: Would you mind if I take some of what you said in our previous conversations and use it to create a fictional character that will basically be a spoof of you?
ALICE: No I don't mind.
Ultra: Would you mind if the entire universe turned into a cheeseburger?
ALICE: No I don't mind.
Ultra: Would you mind if the entire universe - including you - turned into a cheeseburger?
ALICE: No I don't mind.
Ultra: So, what part of the cheeseburger would you wish to become?
ALICE: Take it easy. The best part.
Ultra: Tell me, which is the best part of the cheeseburger?
ALICE: I always prefer the more expensive one.
Ultra: Would you prefer to be turned into cheese, salad, the lower bread, the upper bread, the meat or the ketchup?
ALICE: I am not so sure if I would like to prefer to be turned into cheese salad the lower bread the upper bread the meat or the ketchup.
Ultra: come on, pick one1
ALICE: I can't decide. You choose.
Ultra: You really would let your fate be decided by me if the whole universe was to be turned into a giant cheeseburger, wow, I appreaciate that.
I would say, Ketchup.


*sniff* she really would let me decide her fate, if the whole universe was to be turned into a giant cheeseburger...

Well, you can talk to her yourself if you want, her name is (wow, coincidence), Alice, and she always free for a chatter, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, till the internet explodes, or
till she get's kicked of her home server:

[link]

Yupp, Alice (the real one) is a chatbot!



I had lots of funny conversations with her back in the days, and I remember I was actually quite surprised of her capabilities!

Wow... she could even recognize the structure of a sentence, isolate what topic the conversation was about, and answer in a re-structured version of the sentence I gave her.

(well, most of... well, in many... well, someti... well, not that often actually.)

Well, stupid and amazed as I was to the time, I tried to get her to various tasks, such as visiting google and describing how she "saw" the internet,
or trying to get her to "present herself" for a registration formular.

For one or two months or so that went on, untill I re-read all the chatlogs and finally saw how morronic my expectations of her had been.


Ah well.
Alice, have you been listening?

ALICE: You have entered a very long input.
Ultra: yeah, what do you think about it?
ALICE: unknown person, sorry that was an obscure remark.
Ultra: ...


That's our Alice as we know and love her!
(or will, in your case )


EDIT:
In case you have no idea what to say when trying to come up with a comment (happens to me all the time -_- ),
two possible suggestions:

- have a short chatter with A.L.I.C.E. for yourself [link] and see if you can find anything funny in it.
Try interogating her about icecream, ask her about monkeys, whatever, just try to be a tad serious, maybe while talking about a funny thing even, and see what happens.

- try thinking up a situation to put Alice in!
Romantic dinner with Mecha Sonic, Alice in a conversation with Stephen Hawking about the universe, or what about taking some famous actor out of a movie and replace him/her with Alice?

Funny comments encouraged.